Sometimes I feel this way...but mostly this is me working on my writing, wondering if I'm good enough to even consider it as a career choice. So if yall could help me...and let me know what you think, or what I could work on, or just comments would do. Love

Have you ever felt useful in the most useless way? It's possible, trust me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm supposed to be alone. I mean I'm not isolated or have no friends. But sometimes I can be around so many people, friends or aquaintances, and feel so lonely. I hate putting pity on myself because on good days I feel like I have everything to gain, but I don't need anymore. Everything I want I already have ( in most aspects). I'm nothing more than a someone who cries for attention and love, but hides in shame and fear when either come my way. Will I ever measure up to my own standards before others? I don't even know what I want myself to do or be in life. I have no idea where the road leads or which road to follow. Most people only know the person I pretend to be. The act I put on with the fake smiles and laughs, and the appearance that everything is ok. Maybe it is. Maybe I just can't tell where the invisible line of reality and my own act lies. Maybe more and more each day I see myself less of what I truly am. Or sometimes I see myself more than what I should be. Just how damaged have I become? Is my mind totally warped into believing the lies and standards of the world are what I should live by. When I was younger my life depended on living for the approval of others, but I never approved of myself. The qualities I lack are the qualities most important; and there's nothing scarier than getting what you want, because that's when you really have something to lose. In the end all I can be is myself, but is that good enough?